I am the girl that….

…needs to open up the conversation about miscarriage!

Honestly, at the moment my hormones are an absolute mess! I have forehead pimples that won’t go away and I’m retaining water like nobody’s business, making my skin feel ‘thick’. I’m emotional, exhausted and have the appetite of a hundred hungry men.

I am the girl that…

Has now had multiple miscarriages.
Was pregnant 3 weeks ago and no longer is.
Believes we should talk about miscarriage more.
Knows that when woman unite magic happens. And that we need to know we are not alone.

Miscarriage is actually extremely common. The NHS estimates that one in six women will experience miscarriage (1 in 6!), with many of these women experiencing multiple miscarriages. But we hardly hear about it. It’s like an unspoken epidemic, a taboo subject.

Well, I’m lifting the lid! We should speak about it, it is happening, we’re going through it and, quite frankly, it’s a really crappy time.

That is why I’m writing this blog and getting personal yet again (you can find round one of my personal story here). By opening my heart in this way – I mean, if I’ve already done it once! – I hope I can help just one woman feel a little peace, feel hope or support, feel able to relate, find some sort of comfort or have that ‘I have the same symptoms’ moment. The ‘I’m not alone’ feeling. I hope that through my healing I can help you heal too.

I am no stranger to hormonal upheaval.

I am the girl that…

Started menstruating at 10 years old.
Had to go home from school, and then work, because of painful nauseating periods.
Dreaded that time of the month.
Had a period like Armageddon – you never knew when it was going to come!
Craved chocolate all the time, and could never get enough.
Put on a lot of weight.
Developed eating disorders.
Yo-yoed in weight.
Didn’t menstruate for 90 days at a time.
Had the worst PMS.
Had Hashimoto’s.
Has PCOS.
Has an underactive thyroid.
Would be tearful one minute, angry the next and laughing the third.
Never imagined she would miscarry.
Knows what it is to feel a hormonal mess.

There are many possible causes of miscarriage, sometimes these causes can be determined and other times not. This blog is not about the science, it’s about the emotions, the reality of what the hormonal upheaval can do, and a few tips that helped me get through it. I hope it helps.

Emotional roller coaster..

I’ve felt a lot more emotional this time, as if I’ve cried more than after the last miscarriage. My husband and family said I’ve just forgotten the tears; that they were just as present the first time around.

The worst was during the actual miscarriage and bleed (sensitive readers look away now). You know it’s happening, the pain, and the colour and texture of the bleed is different, and of course you pass a lot more. I cried every time I saw it, it’s the confirmation, the realisation that it is actually happening. Again.

After a week and a half, I thought I was over the worst, I would still cry at the drop of a hat but it wasn’t constant. Well that’s what I thought before our family cinema night to watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2. Being Greek, this is one of my favourite movies, and one I can totally relate to! All was going well until the first touching scene. From then on in I cried and I cried. And the tears were still coming 15 minutes after the show ended. The cleaning staff were cleaning all around us and I could not stop the tears.

I had no idea what I was crying about, I mean it’s a comedy for goodness sake, but I just needed to cry. My husband said, “good, cry, I want you to cry”. Anyone listening might have thought it a terrible thing to say but it was the absolute kindest and came from a place of love.

You need to cry after a loss, you have no idea when the tears are going to come but when they do it’s good to let them flow and allow yourself to feel the emotions you need to feel to heal.

Eating, all the time…

As I said at the opening, I’ve had this insatiable hunger, with cravings for everything from salty to sweet (haven’t had those in a while!). I’m so grateful I’ve learnt the tools to eat well or things could easily have gone horribly wrong.

I had a serious moment with myself and considered which foods would help my body heal and my hormones balance. How would I help a client going through the same? Support the digestion, liver and adrenal glands.

I’ve eaten a lot of green veggies, good fats, protein, flaxseeds and chia seeds, and sprinkled cinnamon on just about anything to help reduce cravings and balance blood sugar levels.

I developed a recipe to help myself through this time and I will be posting it up soon so please check back! I have eaten a good few of these to lift my mood. Oh, and I also had a few of these lemon bars and caramel chocolates too. But I still kept it to 80/20 though!

Oh the pimples….

Last miscarriage, I’d been using a particular SPF cream which I thought caused my onslaught of forehead pimples. I never used that cream again. When they appeared in the same place this time I thought ‘oh, oops, it was not the cream’.

I remind myself, this too shall pass, and now use this on my skin whenever I have breakouts, alongside some tea tree oil. I find it best to keep the skin clean, let it be, and drink enough water – working on your liver and digestion. I have my green smoothie to help with this.

I am so tired no matter how much I sleep…

The fatigue is bad, but I remember this so clearly from last time. It’s the same unshakable feeling. I took some time out of clinic and am still running a reduced schedule. How long do you need to recover and get some energy back? How long is a piece of string?

We are all biochemically individual and my advice is be gentle with yourself, have some ‘me time’ and don’t feel guilty. For anything! I’ve been making sure I’m in bed early and, if I have a spare moment between clients or during the day, I aim to do a little meditation. I love Headspace and Omvana for guided meditations. You should give them a try.

Get some movement…

My first day back in the gym was the worst. Again, it was the realisation of what has happened as well as the fact I had no power. No will, really. I started slowly and just got moving again. I am still not back to where I was pre-pregnancy but, that’s OK, it will come.

Find your tribe….

This is something I have discussed in a previous newsletter, a support network is so important. I am so blessed to have my gorgeous hubby and my amazing family and close friends as my support network. Find your tribe, it doesn’t have to be family or friends, it can be a social network group – we are so lucky to have these today. Join a newsletter mailing that speaks to you.

Practice the attitude of gratitude…

You didn’t think I was not going to get a little tree huggy on you now did you?! Nothing wrong with being a modern day hippy! In spite of all that’s happened, I am so grateful for my life, my health, my loving, patient and supportive husband, my caring generous family, my crazy supportive friends and a career that I love. One of the things that gets me through the tough times and totally improves my life is the attitude of gratitude.

Every evening I write down the things that I am grateful for that day. The night the miscarriage started, I was grateful for the support of my family and how within an hour my husband arrived home from work, my sister arrived shortly after, and then my mum and dad came as soon as they could along with Dash, our Frenchie. And they all just sat with me. That was all I needed!

I was grateful that my body works and that it knows what job to do. I was grateful that I could fall pregnant again. I mean, honestly, I was told the odds were against me what with my having PCOS and an underactive thyroid. I am grateful that I am a nutritional therapist, that I changed my life and improved my health to get to this point.

So many things to be grateful for. I know it can be hard and may seem a bit woo-woo to some, but try it for a week and see if it makes a difference to you. What have you got to lose?

So sadly round two is done. But..!

I am the girl that…

Is still full of hope.
Believes in third time lucky.
Knows she will meet her happy healthy baby.

And if you are the girl that can relate to any of this, or who needs support to help balance your hormones, increase your fertility, or ensure the best nutrition during your pregnancy, please get in touch. I would love to join you on your journey.

Here’s to us ladies, and all we go through together!

Nourishing well wishes,

Angelique

Consult your doctor or health care practitioner for any health problems, and before embarking on any new health regimes, using any supplements or before making any changes in prescribed medications or food programmes.